Moving On

I know I ought to overcome this new alliterative habit I've developed before it becomes obnoxious, but it's so addictive! I think it's the restriction that makes it so appealing. In school, I most enjoyed assignments that were narrowly defined. Somehow I felt it was easier to be creative with them. I have a hard time answering open-ended questions. Making a choice when faced with limitless options is much too overwhelming. Too often I am so intent on doing so much of everything, that I end up doing nothing at all. Free will, whether real or imagined, is in some ways a grievious state. There is a crushing responsibility that accompanies the freedom to choose. That sounds needlessly ungrateful, and I'd like to quickly correct for that: I am not suggesting that I do not appreciate the blessed life into which I was born. I do! I am frequently consumed by intense joy and gratitude. But I can't revel in that feeling all of the time, or it would be meaningless. So I do take occasional breaks to sink into hopelessness and self-pity. No I don't. Not really. Do I? I can't remember. Maybe it isn't necessary to have that contrast, so long as I continue to move in the direction of feeling even more gratitude so that I may compare it with my previous, slightly less gracious state. But feelings being ultimately of a chemical nature, I sincerely doubt the integrity of such an approach. We all know that being drunk can feel nice, but after a certain point, being more drunk does not actually feel better. So yes, I am suggesting that it is possible to overdose on gratitude and joy. But that's already commonly understood. I believe it's termed "manic." Or maybe not--according to Wikipedia, the root of the word "mania" means, "to rage, to be furious." But, as with all things, anything extreme enough becomes indistinguishable from it's opposite extreme. Doesn't it?

Oh. I apologize for the rambling. Sometimes I wish my mind were a little more organized. I wish I could just go in there and straighten things up a bit. Make the bed, do some laundry, wash the dishes, vacuum, put things away where they belong. It's truly a mess up there. Some people seem to have such clean, organized brains. Everything is filed away properly, to be easily accessed when needed. Not mine. Just a lot of junk strewn all over the place. Valuable things get lost all the time amidst the clutter.

And there I go again!

All I really meant to say is that my plans are coming along nicely. I move in to my new place in town on the first of next month, and I've already secured a "line of credit" at my bank which I will use to cover what I will still owe on my car after selling it. I'm still planning to leave Sitka at the end of May and spend the summer in Homer. After that, still planning to do some traveling, most likely through WWOOF. But for now I need to focus on working hard at my job, saving money, and finding enjoyable and worthwhile activities to keep me from being restless.

Take care,

Leeann