And honest too, most of the time. I accidentally lie on occasion. I think I am genetically predisposed to "creative" memories. Memory is a fascinating thing. Being able to be conscious of a reality that no longer exists. Consciousness in general--being aware of our own existence. Life. Such an amazing, weird, bizarre, wonderful, horrifying, beautiful, tragic situation.
I love it.
Last night I got to help a friend "net owls" until 2 am. We didn't actually catch any to tag, but we did catch a little hermit thrush which I got to hold and release back into the night. I've decided that biologists are pretty much the coolest people there are. There's nothing more inspiring than seeing someone with a driving passion, who is truly fired up about what they do.
I leave town in less than three weeks. I'll be off the the open road, the kindness of strangers, credit card debt, and a great opportunity to get to know myself better. I might return to Homer for the winter, or I might not. I'll have all my essential belongings with me, so if I find a spot and a job I feel good about, I might settle down elsewhere for the winter. Yep. Into the great wide open, a rebel without a clue. Or a penny. But I have optimism, a sense of humor, and a good car.
It is my intention to take plenty of pictures and keep blogging along the way. I'm very curious to see where I end up come October.
I've also decided it's time to set my sights on my old dream of building a little homestead. I might try my best to persuade my parents to eventually sell their land in Homer to me. We'll see. It's a long-term goal, but it's nice to have dreams again. Dreams that belong to me.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
precarious precipices
I'm two days overdue for this post. But like any kind of minor or major slip-up in life, time that has passed, has passed, and things done or undone can't be changed. Thankfully, I still have now, and now is wide open with possibility. Like the possibility of me taking a moment to write about my life.
I have a week off from work while the owners of the lodge are out of town at a wedding. I was hoping to do some socializing, after my last off-time being fairly quiet and solitary. Coincidentally (or consequently, depending on your opinion) I recieved not one, but three separate couchsurfing requests for this week!
The first one, Dax, is a psychobiologist from Florida who is currently doing field work near Fairbanks for 30 day stints throughout the summer. She had a few weeks off and has been exploring the Kenai Peninsula before she goes back out again. I met up with her in town and we did a little bit of touristy sightseeing, and eventually had an interesting night out, winning first prize for "craft night" at Kharacters, the only local bar that had live music on a Tuesday night. The next night we headed over to the lodge, joining my little brother, my coworker, and her sister. We did a little kayaking, played chess (someday I will actually win a game of chess), and then went out exploring for an "extreme hammocking" site. We climbed around on the rocks for a while and eventually crossed a rocky little beach over to a steep face where someone had already rigged up a rope. We got up easily and found the perfect setup--two trees, just the right spacing, right on the very edge of a cliff over the bay. After Dax retied my improvised knots, I climbed into the hammock, hanging over what I'm guessing was about 70 to 80 feet over jagged rocks and crashing surf. It was fantastic! It was such an odd contrast, the precarious nature of the setup was more than a little unnerving, but the soothing embrace of the hammock was so comforting and secure feeling. It seemed to me to be a good representation of life as a whole. Sure, it was dangerous. There was risk involved. But my experience of it all depended on what I focused my attention on. If I had concentrated on everything that could go wrong, it would've been miserable. But I didn't. I enjoyed the incredible view, the sound of the water, the feel of the sun on my face, and the growing sense of peace and relaxation as I let go and sunk down into the hammock.
Death isn't something we can escape. I'm not promoting recklessness. I'm just coming to realize that there are a lot of worthwhile risks in life that I have avoided taking. Sometimes approaching the edge a little more, and sensing and appreciating our mortality, can enrich life in a way nothing else can. I'm a sensitive enough person that I probably won't ever have to do anything much riskier than hanging a hammock over a cliff to achieve that perspective, but I do need to to something like that from time to time.
And then we got stranded. We are both experienced enough around the ocean to know that tides can change things rather quickly, but while we were enjoying the hammocks and sunshine, we lost track of time, and our little peninsula had turned into a full-blown island. Oops. Luckily it only took a couple more hours for the tide to turn again and our path to reappear. All it meant was more lounging in the lovely day, getting sap in my hair and sunburning my nose.
This has been a summer of high highs and low lows. I've made some careless mistakes. A couple I even seriously regret. But I'm experiencing life, learning some lessons I'd managed to avoid by being tediously cautious for so long, and getting to know myself better than I ever have.
Today Dax and I plan to kayak to Glacier Spit and hike up the trail there. Its a sunny, cloudless day. We'll head back to Homer tonight, and tomorrow pick up Zuphit, (couchsurfer #2) who is from Israel and has spent the past year traveling all over the world. I'm sure she'll have some great stories to tell.
Love,
Leeann
I have a week off from work while the owners of the lodge are out of town at a wedding. I was hoping to do some socializing, after my last off-time being fairly quiet and solitary. Coincidentally (or consequently, depending on your opinion) I recieved not one, but three separate couchsurfing requests for this week!
The first one, Dax, is a psychobiologist from Florida who is currently doing field work near Fairbanks for 30 day stints throughout the summer. She had a few weeks off and has been exploring the Kenai Peninsula before she goes back out again. I met up with her in town and we did a little bit of touristy sightseeing, and eventually had an interesting night out, winning first prize for "craft night" at Kharacters, the only local bar that had live music on a Tuesday night. The next night we headed over to the lodge, joining my little brother, my coworker, and her sister. We did a little kayaking, played chess (someday I will actually win a game of chess), and then went out exploring for an "extreme hammocking" site. We climbed around on the rocks for a while and eventually crossed a rocky little beach over to a steep face where someone had already rigged up a rope. We got up easily and found the perfect setup--two trees, just the right spacing, right on the very edge of a cliff over the bay. After Dax retied my improvised knots, I climbed into the hammock, hanging over what I'm guessing was about 70 to 80 feet over jagged rocks and crashing surf. It was fantastic! It was such an odd contrast, the precarious nature of the setup was more than a little unnerving, but the soothing embrace of the hammock was so comforting and secure feeling. It seemed to me to be a good representation of life as a whole. Sure, it was dangerous. There was risk involved. But my experience of it all depended on what I focused my attention on. If I had concentrated on everything that could go wrong, it would've been miserable. But I didn't. I enjoyed the incredible view, the sound of the water, the feel of the sun on my face, and the growing sense of peace and relaxation as I let go and sunk down into the hammock.
Death isn't something we can escape. I'm not promoting recklessness. I'm just coming to realize that there are a lot of worthwhile risks in life that I have avoided taking. Sometimes approaching the edge a little more, and sensing and appreciating our mortality, can enrich life in a way nothing else can. I'm a sensitive enough person that I probably won't ever have to do anything much riskier than hanging a hammock over a cliff to achieve that perspective, but I do need to to something like that from time to time.
And then we got stranded. We are both experienced enough around the ocean to know that tides can change things rather quickly, but while we were enjoying the hammocks and sunshine, we lost track of time, and our little peninsula had turned into a full-blown island. Oops. Luckily it only took a couple more hours for the tide to turn again and our path to reappear. All it meant was more lounging in the lovely day, getting sap in my hair and sunburning my nose.
This has been a summer of high highs and low lows. I've made some careless mistakes. A couple I even seriously regret. But I'm experiencing life, learning some lessons I'd managed to avoid by being tediously cautious for so long, and getting to know myself better than I ever have.
Today Dax and I plan to kayak to Glacier Spit and hike up the trail there. Its a sunny, cloudless day. We'll head back to Homer tonight, and tomorrow pick up Zuphit, (couchsurfer #2) who is from Israel and has spent the past year traveling all over the world. I'm sure she'll have some great stories to tell.
Love,
Leeann
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
before things get busy
I'm writing a brief note so I don't get in trouble for posting late. I think tomorrow is my deadline, but we have guests coming to the lodge Friday, so things are going to be hectic until mid-next week. I've been caretaking the lodge while the owners have been at a fish camp. It's been nice, except for the dog killing chickens, running away and getting stranded, tearing up the house, and injuring his leg. Poor guy. My brother thinks he's going to be exiled because he killed a second chicken. We'll see. My mom came out for two nights. I'm glad she had a chance to relax and have some peace and quiet. Oh, and I hosted my very first couchsurfer last week! It was so much fun. I think I may have made a lifelong friend.
I've been almost crazed about planning my fall trip. I have a way of getting so immersed by things I'm excited about. But everything is falling into place so far. Ferry is booked, a couple of couchsurfing hosts are already booked. Now I just need to focus on gathering supplies I'll need. I want to spend as little as possible, so I'm going to try to find or borrow everything else I need. I need to check out Homer's freecycle group. I still have some time, but I know the next few weeks are going to fly by, with work being pretty busy.
Time to finish up some things around this place before everyone gets back. I'll try to remember to write a more thoughtful post sometime when I am not so distracted and rushed.
I'm happy. Did I mention that? For most of my life I've felt like I was waiting for something to signal its beginning. "Someday" I would do all these things I want to do. I don't have that sense anymore. For the first time, I feel like I am in it. I feel like the driver, rather than the passenger I was for so long. I'm actually enjoying being single, which is also a first. Honestly, not planning my life around a guy is unfamiliar territory for me. But I have to say, I'm fully enjoying it. I'm so glad I finally got to this point.
Love to you all,
Leeann
Thursday, July 1, 2010
and the days go by
It's amazing how time is flying this summer. Working, making new friends, planning my trip, it's all a blur sometimes. But an enjoyable blur. I feel really good about where I am at in my life right now. I have grown as a person by leaps and bounds, and my slef-confidence level is at an all-time high. I am still a bit shy, and fearful, but I have come such a long way from where I was a couple of years ago. For the first time, I feel like I am actually living my life, rather than waiting for some sort of event after which it will officially begin. It has begun, it is being. I'm happily immersed in it. And I'm enjoying being single and independent, which is also a first. And long overdue. I have finally decided to initiate the "me" time of my life, where I find out exactly what kind of lifestyle I want, and which parts of myself I want to fully embrace and develop. I am no longer shaping and molding myself to be someone I think others will like best. I am being true to my true self, and it is a very good feeling.
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