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I think it's my perfectionism that keeps me from doing a lot of things I want to do. I'm afraid of screwing up, and of making a fool of myself. I'm full of excuses for why I can't or don't want to do things, at least not right now. I am a passionate, creative person and I love to connect with other people, but I try so hard to keep a lid on that part of myself, to be cautious, to avoid offending or hurting anyone, to avoid embarrassment of any sort. It's exhausting.

I'm not saying that it isn't valuable to be mindful of other people's needs and opinions--it's very valuable. But what many people do is fail to count themselves among the people who's needs and opinions they respect. It's hard to break those patterns, which can be very deeply engrained. But it's not impossible, not at all.

Starting this blog is a small way for me to put myself out there, risk embarassment and offense, and do something I enjoy doing, but am often too inhibited to do. I took a journaling class during my last semester at Sheldon Jackson College, and one of the books we used was Julia Cameron's "The Right to Write." Since I do best with structure (but only if it's self-imposed), I'm going to use the "initiation tools" in this book as prompts for my blog entries--for now. The reason I'm doing this on a blog, and inviting friends and family to read it, is because it's motivation for me to keep up with it. Writing in my personal journal has its appeal, but the idea that I'm actually communicating with someone else is more exciting.

Also, if you happen to enjoy reading this, and you notice that I haven't posted anything for more than a week, please scold me.

Thanks,
Leeann